I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
