Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize