every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
