Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
