i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
