I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
