Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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