So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
