so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
