she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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