I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize