how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
