There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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