I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
