; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
