Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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