I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
