Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
