she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
