she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
