By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
