His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
