I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently you make a good broom.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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