And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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