i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
