I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
