PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
