He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
