I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
