Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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