in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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