Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
