I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
