anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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