Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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