the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
