I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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