Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
