Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
