I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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