How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
