just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
