I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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