drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
