my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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