She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
