I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
