I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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