Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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