girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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