we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
