Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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