I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
