My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
