You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
