I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize