Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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