I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
