Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
