The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
