boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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