After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
