There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
