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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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