you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
