i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
