yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
