when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
