If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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