I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
zippers are such a cool invention
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The air was thick with penises
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize