and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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