One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
