what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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