Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
