i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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