i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
