I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
