I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
there is puke in my bra ... again
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